In lots of ways I'm very pleased that my new career left me with very little time to blog because I realised that I was becoming quite a negative person where blogging was concerned and that was purely because my blog wasn't going where I wanted it to. I would regularly feel jealous of those who succeeded and wondered why I wasn't doing as well as everyone else, I felt like a lot of people were cheating their way to the top and I still to this day don't know what the secret is to success in blogging. Maybe perseverance, maybe sheer luck but I didn't have either of those regardless.
Because I'd let this feeling of jealousy consume me I lost the love for blogging towards the end and I hated feeling constantly aggrieved by others who didn't seem to be doing anything different to me but who were swimming in followers and attention from brands.
I felt like I wasn't good enough and I never would be good enough. My house isn't light and airy and I certainly don't have space for studio lighting so I never felt like my photos would be to a good enough standard and I daren't write a lot of my true feelings about things in case I rubbed people up the wrong way (be that PRs or other bloggers). I hated feeling like that, I felt like it was unnecessary stress that I was putting myself under.
I've always prided (is that even a word?!) myself on being real and no nonsense and believe me for the most part that's what I've always been but just a more toned down version (mainly because online ranting doesn't come across very well and it's very hard to convey the tone in which you're saying something in 140 characters). I've said some unpopular stuff on Twitter which I don't think has particularly helped my cause where blogging is concerned but I absolutely refuse to be fake.
I'm actually not very good at making friends initially, especially on social media but the general consensus among people who know me personally is that I come across a bit blunt and miserable to start with but I'm actually one of the most down to earth and easy to get on with people you'll ever meet. I don't know any of the hashtags or chats on twitter anymore and I'm finding it really hard to engage with people again but I'm sure I'll get there eventually.
So in short what I'm actually trying to say, is that I will blog more often now but it won't be picture perfect, it won't necessarily have photos with the most fantastic lighting or immaculate backgrounds. There'll be no schedules or feeling guilty for not posting. I'll do what I can, when I can, because I enjoy it.
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